back.., back.., back!

Me's back again! :) after a loooooong hibernation period of hectic tasks/fire fighting schedules keeping me away from any kind of thought crunching at all!



The last month esp. was a nightmare! Missed schedules / Mixed up emotions / My prevailing erratic ill health & finallly - having been left alone to myself for a few weeks!



Per se, looking back the past on this thought makes me chuckle and sound how much of a hypocrite i've become!

Yes! doesn't sound at all like the ideallic 'me', talking such things - esp. calling myself a hypocrite of sorts!



5 years back, i very clearly remember - what a person i was!

Steadfast - Chin up - with an attitude of justifying things my own way and insist proving others wrong - than proving myself right! And life had had taught me a few important lessons :



- No Expectations

- No Dependencies

- No Assumptions

- No (there was another point which my mind fails to recollect now) Illusions (i persume!)



so, i preferred to be left alone with no human company, submerged head deep in my own ideals, dreams and fantasies and viewing this world as a big playground of oppertunities and just about that - like playing a game!



"Survival of the fittest"!



"Even god won't help you if you can't helf yourself"!




Books, Ciggies & Comp were all that i needed!



And to wander around the globe, like a nomad - mostly alone (with the exception of wishing a like minded uber partner ;) to match the fire within) was the top thing on my wish-list!



Though i've never been rude with people, i've always extended a helpful hand, and going the extra mile. But, i've never seen myself a social animal per se, appreciating human company (but for the one special dream partner!)!

Until Now!



And today, its all different! I am a lot different than what i was 5 years back!



When left alone, now, it feels haunting!

Got used to mum/dad/wife n family! and Now to Junior!



Esp. when am sick and can't willfully pull myself together to help myself!



God, those are times which i really really want people around me! mom/dad/wife - or any loving caring soul,

at those times of pain.... when even the minor physical discomforts and illness trigger up cascading torrents of thoughts - mostly depressing and futuristic and worrisome! Thanks to all that F***ing antibiotics, which keep me down physically and mentally drowzy!



thank goodness there are parents... a wife... a distant cousin... a loving friend...

somebody who cares and makes you feel you are not left alone in this wretched world!



Work is different....

Home is different....

Outlooks have changed....

The self centeric point of thinking is gone!

Before i could realize and wake up... a small exclusive world has already been built around me!...

of close knit family, friends, bosses, team members... colleagues, and man - me's already grounded!

and day after day it is becoming difficult to break free / move away / keep far from this exclusive world!



I had to force myself to be not so dependent .... unless am ready to suffer losses / blows!

This family thing... social stuff... is something like gravity... an invisible magnetic force that keeps you pulling down to the core. To break free - er., well - one needs to defy this force! need for some rocket fuel! calling for massive efforts to keep aloof and floating! ;)



and now, i get the point... a realization...

I got to oblige this gravity... and let the self be pulled and kept bound - as a social animal, within the fabric of family and society.

And yet, like the discoverer shuttle, when a need arises i should be able to break free of this bondage and zoom past against the gravity, defying it to be free.... to have a walk in the space... just to be myself and then, to return back to this bondage... giving in to the gravity... returning home!



Well, end of the day, with the notion of time, looks to me - we all end up hypocrites of a kind under the guise of experience and new learnings/realizations.

([palms up] just purely my own point of view)!



Call me stupid or a Nut - but these are what my first hand feelings/thoughts are - fresh out of the head! There is no-better way i could put it!

A Taste of being conned! :)

As of every summer, this year too the exhibition/carnival has been put up at the RBNMS grounds. its a melee of crowd dominated by kids - thanks to the summer holidays.



Me, mom, venu n anand had been to the exhibition on tuesday evg. Usual stalls, selling everything and anything. Interesting thing to note was the origin of these stalls. a few of them were from madurai, tamilnadu - reminded me of the mariyamman temple thiruvizah stalls. Similar merchandise, similar crowd - only the venue and presentation were different.



Another dominating factor was the cheap chinese goods. got to watch where we end up with such infiltration of chinese maal.



Apart from the stalls comes all sorts of joy rides and one "intelligent" dog-donkey pair. as i was curious to watch the action live, having heard the stories of this intelligent donkey from senthil last year, couldn't do so cuz of the queue and crowd for this particular show. may be on another visit perhaps. second visit is very likely as venu was very much interested to hike up one of those joy rides but to his dismay, neither me nor anand were game to give him company. me running cold and a fever wasn't very curious to hitch a ride.



Coming to the highlight of the visit, on our way out - there was this vendor with his equipment sported on a maruthi van, boasting to read your fortunes for 10 Rs. a person - by palm reading. Curiosity overtook us and always having a weak spot for such occult things, me and venu went in closer for a look, tempted.



In specific the vendor had a table before the van, on top of which there were a sheaf of papers and a duster kinda thingy. This got me more curious, as if he is going to take an imprint of our palms. So, moved in closer for inspecting what is that he has. Before we could realise, the vendor got us grabbed - quick and fast. Took venu's hand and even while we were making up our minds to proceed or not, he swiped venu's hand with the duster thingy, which turned out to be a simple inkpad soaked in water.



He got venu's palm wet and placed it atop a plain white sheet. Taking the mildly wet sheet with venu's palm imprint, he turned towards his magic machine - the looks of it were so sophisticated as that of a remote control panel :) (gotta see it to believe it). The back of the maruthi van was totally customized with a comp. monitor, the cpu, an inkjet printer and a mysterious looking slot for the paper and two side panels with a multitude of speakers mounted on 'em.



What the heck is he going to do...? Is he having a scanner in his sophisticated infrastructure that scans thru the palm imprint and interpret? Image processing? Pattern Recognition? Artificial Intelligence? this was getting more and more curious.



Even as these thoughts were racing thru my mind, the vendor slided in the paper into this mysterious slot, asked us in which language we wanted the reading and with a few quick key-strokes, switched to few hidden windows (crude vb written message/dialog boxes) for a fraction of a second and pressed a few buttons.



Voila, the inkjet started spewing out a print-out as this fellow pulled out the paper back from the mysterious slot. He got both the papers pinned together and handed out to us.



All this happened in less than a minutes' time.



To my amazement i saw the paper with palm imprint from the mysterious slot had turned black - as if it had been analysed, processed and printed, while the printout from the inkjet contained a page of random readings. All Preset!



Then it dawned on me!

:) we had been conned. lol.



It was worse than a 1 Re. weight machine spitting out random pre-printed quotes (about your personality/future) behind the weight slip.



But a brilliant idea and a beautiful show of con, exploiting the unassuming common-man of his 10 Rs.

It was hilarious. :) One side feeling infuriated for letting ourselves to be conned & fooled while on the other side praising his guts and intelligence, to put up such a business model in public and making a living out of it.



Goodness Gracious! Quite an experience it was.

Thankless World! Thankless People!

Me and shekar had gone to SLV to have a snack to kill our hunger, this evening.

A Small drama unfolded slowly as we were having our food.



There was a vendor selling shirts in the shade of the badami tree in front of SLV and for some idiotic reason, he started to break the low-hanging branches of the badami tree. Soon, few more people joined in helping him break the low hanging branches and it was a halla very soon.



Moving away from the point of culling the low hanging branches, even the higher branches were ripped and broken, in a frenzy!



And believe me, it was infuriating - mindless mob mentality in play!



Looking at all this, just a thought struck me quick.

In this burning summer day, that badami tree has been providing shade for the vendor to sell his shirts and the same vendor by evening, breaks off the branches of the tree, in great thanks!



Am not sure, if he had realised what he was doing even a wee li'l bit!



Thankless World! Thankless People!

I don't know if i can still love people for what they are and how they are!

Sigh!

Ideas for junior!

It is reallly exciting to watch junior grow!
haven't yet given him a name! still under major discussions!

Gonna create a scrapbook :)
the good old fashioned way!
With pictures and notes and crafted stuff!
Exciting!

Junior's crying has changed - his voice sounds more precise.
he recognises faces more clearly....apart from identifying who's holding him!

he's already smart to react to voice modulations of his mother!
if she raises her voice, junior goes silent - shrinking his face and pulling down the eyebrows... just almost ready to cry...
and if she goes on a scolding tone, phat! he breaks out crying!
and when she takes a soothing tone, he calms down and looks at the intently...and gives an occasional smile!

oh boy! he's quite a delight ... can go on playing for hours with him!
he goes mostly by his mom in the face and seems to have inherited part of my behaviors :) along with the physique!

Need to get a nice digital cam for taking his pics.

catching up...

Many a happenings since the past 10 days...
A New server farm has been setup from scratch configured....
Maya was released successfully, after a lot of struggle...
Late nights...
Visit to Junior (has grown more visibly...and developed a wonderful smile! goes by mom in the face and dad in behavior)...
Console sessions to an old friend...
Happy moments for another dear friend with his prospective job interviews...
A Shaky stomach for the past few days...
Senti moments with family...
Watched a wierd disturbing movie ("Babel")... (reminds me of "butterfly effect")
Lost all my TT games....

and finally a helpless feeling of being let down, despite the successful release of maya!
and am getting more and more clueless in life!
Feel more lonelier than ever!

I am badly in need of something... A Driving passion to get my old self back... A New Goal!
New Challenges! Some Inspiration! This life is getting way too monotonous!

Remembering Bharathi!

தேடிச் சோறுநிதந் தின்று - பல
சின்ன்ஞ் சிறுகதைகள் பேசி - மனம்
வாடித் துன்பமிக உழன்று - பிறர்
வாடப் பலசெயல்கள் செய்து - நரை
கூடிக் கிழப்பருவ மெய்தி - கொடுங்
கூற்றுக் கிரையெனப்பின் மாயும் - பல
வேடிக்கை மனிதரைப் போலே - நான்
வீழ்வே னென்றுநினைத் தாயோ?

Nope!
I Won't!
Need to get back to my normal self!
The raw, aggressive good old me!

Remebering the thread in kuppu's blog on happiness moods!
:) nothing has changed around me! its just my mind!
my head playing tricks in waves of diverse rushing emotions!

Got to get out of this foul mood/thought process!

Ode to my breadwinner for the past 10 years

Delphi turns 12!
Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!

Happy birthday Dear Delphi, and wish you many more returns of the happy day!
Hope Codegear takes care of you well and help you reach the heights you deserve!

Delphi....
What should be said as just another RAD tool / Platform, means quite a lot to me...

She won me my bread and butter for 10 years...
has build me my career...
got me accolades and recognition...
and
gave me lifetime friends!


feels dreamy....
still remember the first time i saw delphi...

late 1995 - an introductory seminar organized by then dealers for borland products in india - wipro.
It was Daniel Ingitaraj, present day (Director, "Developer Platform Evangelism" at microsoft singapore)
who did the show and the talk.

and on that fateful day, the love with delphi blossemed... which continued (and occasionally continues...) to help me win my bread for the past 10 years. And turned me into a hardcore delphi fanatic delphi advocate.

Of course it wasn't a bed of roses, but still in india, Delphi was a niche platform and the developer community was miniscule - but very technical and strong. (some of the toughest brilliant minds - as delphi was and still remains a platform without proper schools for training). And much fewer delphi software houses.

Delphi was a passion among the community and it was more a cult and there was a time when delphi gurus were revered. :) and it was prestigeous to work with any of the delphi stronghold/software houses.

Sigh!!! The scene changed after 2001. Dot Net And D8 spelled the decline of delphi and scattering of the delphi techies... The passion dissipated overall and the second/third/fourth generation of delphi developers were no match/no good with the first ones!

By then, delphi has become just another platform and the passion has vanished. With less/no money/market being a delphi developer was no fancy.

Delphi had become one another commodity. (I still view it the same - in its present scenario)

There are a few islands of people who still work on delphi with the same passion. but rare to find!
It is worthy of writing a story and not just filling a blog entry with a few paras!

Some day, i'll find time and the mind to pen those golden days! :)

ABN (Pain in the ***) Net Banking!

Stupid...F***ING Net Banking Online!!

Reasons enough not to use this facility from ABN!



# Options doesn't work properly

# Takes ages to Load

# Moving from one option to other is a real Pain in the ***.

# Annoying change password screen while switching between options

# Stupid Stupid User Interface

# Statement Downloads is a Nightmare

# On top of all this, the account gets disabled if not used for a month or so!



Soooooooooo very Ameturish!

Doesn't make me feel any safe while doing transctions via ABN netbanking.

Yuk!



Citibank's net banking is far far better!

Junior ME! :)

15th Jan 2007
Pongal Release...!

blessed with Junior ME. a sweet little baby boy.

junior chose to come almost 12 days before the eta. :)
may be the storks were proactively ahead of the delivery schedule.

it turned out to be quite a nice story, of his release, in spite of the tensions and crossed fingers.

i was fortunate enough destined to get to hold junior in my hands.
Yes! it was an exhilerating experience to see hold my son - in flesh.

he was small, fragile, pink with long limbs and long fingers...
and so very helpless...
yet so - the bundle of joy! :)

and i was almost in tears.

... to be continued

படித்து-ரசித்துக் கொண்டிருப்பது...

பொன்னியின் செல்வன்!



:) அமரர் கல்கியின் அமர காவியம்.



ஈரோட்டில் ஏதேனும் நல்ல தமிழ் புத்தகங்கள் கிடைக்குமா-வென்று - புத்தகக் கடைகளில் ஏறி இறங்கிய பொழுது - எதிர்பாரா விதமாய் கிடைத்தது.



அதுவும் - மிகவும் மலிந்த விலைக்கு - 6 பாகங்கள் - 175 Rs!



பலப்-பல வருஷங்களுக்குப் பிறகு, மீண்டும் பொன்னியின் செல்வன்! படிக்கும் பாக்கியம்!



வந்தியத்தேவனும் - குந்தவையும், அருள்மொழி வர்மரும், நந்தினியும் - ஆஹா! என்னவொரு பாத்திரப் படைப்புகள்!

குறிப்பாக வந்தியத்தேவனின் பாத்திரப் படைப்பை மட்டுமே எவ்வளவு அற்புதமாக வடித்திருக்கிறர் கல்கி!

Esp. all the Flirtings between வந்தியத்தேவன் - குந்தவை!



Awesome rendering of Flirting, Poetic Romanticism and Ecstatic encounters - loaded with words, quick wit and a wonderful sense of humor - and yet without making it to stand out any obvious / obscene!



Hats off to this literary genius for the brilliancy of his words and expressive masterpiece.

Tons of Sheer Delight!



கரும்பு தின்னக் கூலி! :)

என்னை பாதித்த வலைப் பின்னல்கள்!!!

http://kadalganesan.blogspot.com/ - மனிதர் என்னவாய் எழுதுகிறார்!!! மனதைப் பிழிகிறது. கற்றது கடலளவு என்று!!!



தாரிணி கவிதைகள் - http://pearlshell.blogspot.com/ - ரசனை! :)

beginnings of the new year...

this year started with a serious, moving note for me...

yup, i was watching "schindler's list", thru the late night of 31st Dec/1st Jan.



the last shot was moving....

when the allied forces win and germans retreat, time comes for schindler to flee...

and the schindler jews, forge him a golden ring (with the golden teeth one of the jews still manages to save through the regime!) and a letter of schindler's historic deeds for his jews, signed by all 1000+ of them.



Holding the ring in his hands, schindler breaks down...

like a child...

and if had he been more thoughtful - he could have traded more jews! yes! for all the earthly possessions and his grandoise expenditures ...





reminds me of making money...

and the argument i had had with papillion, ages back...



me : am content with what i have... don't want to earn more!

papi : well, you can earn more and give more for charity/to help others as you wish!



and i disagreed! equating more money with greed.

can't say i've changed much, but schindlers' story gets my thoughts racing...



may be i should...

Lost! ... and to be found!

Lights out and bright - all around,
·····yet deep within - it's all Lights Out!

he has all that a simple person would envy upon
·····as the rich nomad in the eyes of a stationary begger
yet this nomad in thoughts is mobile...
·····in search of the stationary beggers' peace!

there comes the moments of rejoice for this nomad,
·····just as the morning dew drops on the blades of lime green grass...
to be grabbed by the greedy rays of the sun on its wake,
·····just a few moments, a few precious moments... as the spasms of pleasure!

happiness, they say - or not, is within...
·····hence he asks, to himself -
"me, hey me, did you,
·····grab those precious moments of rejoice from me?

where the me within feeds on my thoughts
·····and churns out questions" -
this nomad has been blessed with an incessent mind
·····that's cursed to think to feel.

this nomad has lost his keys
·····anyone, can anyone ...
help - find back his innocence & ignorance,
·····he has lost the keys to happiness & fears of feel!

two little hands, ten tender fingers,
·····reaching out of the womb,
yes! they might - they just might, behold the magic
·····guiding him to those keys lost!

smile, giggle and laugh
·····making him smile, giggle and laugh...
the godsend little bundle of joy
·····just might be the answer to his pleas, help him find his bundles of joy!

it's Lights OUT all around...
·····new paths, new ways, new walks,
change the constant with time the healer,
·····godsend again, brings him soon - this bundle of joy!
and deep within at this thought - it's Lights out and bright!

first bricks of a wall?

deep down i sense there's a wall starting to build with a good friend and confidant of mine.

yes, it is the after math of what i recorded in my preveious post.



i see the tell-tale signs.



feels a little bit helpless.

as b s says in situations not in our control, perhaps i should take it cool, slow and absolutely no reactive measures. what would be a good way to break the upcoming wall?



on the + side, there was a good chat in the afternoon. but still, after all that, why do i feel what i feel now?!

is it just me?! but ain't say that cuz i saw it today during the TT session. was a bit childish, but couldn't miss sensing that 'extra bit' more than the normal spirit to win that game... and the gradual distancing in a couple of other matters...



Sigh! a test for me perhaps!



கிருஷ்ணா, if it sincerely is a test, please be with me, and guide me!

cuz, eitherways, i'll end to lose this game!

நா காக்க!

யாகாவா ராயினும் நாகாக்க காவாக்கால்

சோகாப்பர் சொல்லிழுக்குப் பட்டு.



pretty wise a statement!

something slipped my tongue, in a moment of tension and for which eventually i feel very bad within!



Sigh! things done can't be changed, pray to avoid such stuff in the future!

A sad tiding!!!

one of my three angel fishes, is dead!
it has been a long time member of the family, almost an year old.

dad and mom are going to be very sad, to find it dead.
off late the fishes have become extended family and both of them have developed an affection to the fishes.

all was fine in the evening...
dunno what caused this.... sigh!!!

:(

Exams ... Done and over with!

ah, what a relief...
well for sure my aching hands will agree.

out of the 4 papers, i wrote 3, and skipped one - microprocessors and architectures.
no whys and buts! that paper is for the next sem.
didn't want to give a half hearted try.

that aside, it was a pretty interesting experience.

Funny people, funny experiences @ the venue (if only one can call all that funny)
- a supervisor voluntarily coming out to help the majority of awestruck students by answering a 10 mark question
- and to help answer papers move around
- and to be blissfully ignorant of the very obvious folded "bits"
- girls, yes girls, so gutsy enough to get the subject books (??!@!!!) and copy from them directly
- icing on the cake, was this offer made to a fellow student who happened to have completed his exam in a puff and haven't performed well.
- he could choose to come over after the exam is over and all students are out and collect his paper - and can happily write the answers to his fill (with the text book of course) - in a venue thats absolutely mind blowing - in the principal's office at the exam venue!

can you believe it? believe it or not, this is my first hand experiences of evolution in exam hall practices, after a period of 9 years!

Exams!!! After almost 10 years!

Wrote my first PG exam, after almost 10 years.
felt like being in school all over again.
i still have my hands paining, thanks to writing nonstop for 2+ hours.

sigh!!! 3 more exams to go!
3 more days of pain.

oh and todays' exams were ok-ok.

wish only the paper evaluator, can understand my handwriting.
all will be evident, when the results are out! ;) hoping for the best.

Hannibal Barca - an Awe Inspiring saga - Master Strategist and Tactician

As i was preparing for my upcoming exams, today, (with the TV running in background) i accidentally got glued up to this full length documentary of Hannibal Barca, of Carthage, credited to be one of the finest commanders in history.

It was awe inspiring - the drive, the determination, the vengence and his strategy and much more! A heart wrenching story of such a moving human tale and what his own country did to him.

But the point that is making be write down this entry is different. It is his Strategies. He has been called famously as the "Father of Strategy" by the military historian, Theodore Ayrault Dodge and as well known to be a tactician of supreme capacity.

It is this mysterious pull of strategies and tactics, which lure me to get indulged. And hold an unknown charm to delve more deeper.
Yes, now i can put words finally to the abstraction in my mind as to what i want to see myself to be : A Strategist, A Tactician and a good leader.

This also triggers me to compile and read more about strategies.
A worthwhile cause to improve / keep me concentrated for a long time, i guess. ;)

me's getting started from here.

The picture perfect sony commercial...

Its stealing my heart...
The picture perfect, vibrant face of that modern age michaelangelo model in the opening shot...
the oozing music...
finger trumming drum beats...

The new sony walkman phones commercial is just AWESOME!
trying to fish out an video version for downloads online.

Anybody who knows/has a copy, please do let me know!

Sundar the Zipper?

Brigade Road Signal, until Suleh circle.
10.15 am

Ah not again - there goes another one... and another!
Sigh! I need to let them know.

I steer to my left and nudge my way forward up front, trying to reach that forgetful poor homo sapien on the motor with two wheels and his hands upon the rod, riding all forgetful, with his backpack glued to his back.

i reach out a position - on a horizontal line - to the guy in the motor - with a car seperating him n me....
and i honk.... once ... twice.... third and the motorist turns around right and left... and behind...

and whew - catches me - sitting inside the car and waving my hands up n down in an angle - and with a sudden realization... reaches back to his back pack - pulling it in front - to find ...

The ZIP (of his backpack) Wide Open! :)

bandah zips it up, turns back and drops a foolish smile thanking me, before he speds past the now turned green signal.
Sure it does make me feel happy in a peculiar way. esp. the foolish smile - cursing himself for being forgetful and thanking me.

And it didn't happen once but twice (two different motorists) within the stretch of Brigade road signal to suleh circle.

PS : The random title was my wandering mind's word play thru the drive to office. :D catchy rite?! LOL This isn't the first time me being a Zipper - it is kinda thing that happens on and off through my morning drive to office - many a days in the past!