Monday, July 20, 2009

0

Is it a crime to be a person not easily convinced?

Well, the question is about being penalised for being a person not easily convinced with things that happen around.

Be it at the office or at home! (Ahem! Looks like am on that ‘being the old bulldog’ path well in my 30’s than in my 60’s)

Am kinda dazed even as i write this.

{ Whenever am forced into a situation to think the way am doing now, this is the first question pops out to myself – “Am i what (even partly) that what i expect others to be?”

and me thinks that am not very unreasonable about that – as i don’t comment on things which i fundamentally don’t practice! And even when i do miss and get a googlee, am quick to accept & take the value out of it.

}

Oh, how much i yearn to be among people with fire! and be convinced about what am listening to and doing about!

Who’d be devoting all their smartness & intelligence in not finding ways to evade a task or challenge but to be game enough & have the guts to take the bull by the horns!

Who’d be not that cunning and conniving to not do things yet want the fruit of the same or even worse – being a ram (as in shaking the heads in acceptance) and sleeping over things.

Who’d not be whining about time and the complexity – even before giving a whole hearted try!

Who’d expect a pat as if they’ve done something great by getting the bag of garbage from their own homes to the bin out of the door?

imageWho can shamelessly point others’ faults while they themselves lie in the reeky stench of their own faults! - B**t***s!

And there’s this kind of wise ass cracks who wants to stick their neck out (always! if not ever) and be the god of finding faults while they don’t move a nail themselves!

If things aren’t the way they should be – ask and more importantly come up to the table & be bold enough to suggest a way out of the shit & follow the agreed solutions – walk the talk to reality!

Depend on others for every damn thing – and feel proud about their smartness - even for cutting vegetables?

Get a life losers – move up! It does hurt to be snubbed on the face with all your intelligence employed for the sake of nothing! Use it elsewhere! Make a difference!

Bull to Mediocrity!

{Please Imagine the gesture yourself! :) or may be i’d fish out an image for the same!

}

No, i’ve got to vent it out somewhere, sometime!

and This is it!

I feel so f*****g handicapped, not usually, but certainly in the state of mind that am in now!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

0

Feels good to be …. Alive! :)

Yes – Really! After all these medicines & visits to the doctor and the uncertainties, coming to the office and getting back to do the routines is like … bliss! seriously!

A subtle reminder on how we take the life for granted!

Its good to be … Alive & Kicking! :) :)

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

0

A Time when Buddha would have killed himself…

So ironic that a single seat of power displaces the quotient of right & wrong! When an army massacres it becomes an act to protect its homeland & suppress the insurgents & cleansing & what not - while the same being done without the seat of power is rebellion and terrorism and what not!

Spite to thee – to that ethnic majority – a heartless mass of barbarians acting on the fury of ethnicity  – calling themselves the followers of a noble saint who loved peace and could never stand brutality let alone to kill a life form.

Not that such a thing is happening or happened elsewhere in the world – but this – this is happening to your own people. The ones who speak your language – and hardly a few hours’ away from you!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

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A Different kind of loneliness…

I have it all…

A generous share of happiness, an emotional rollercoaster of a family, equal share of concerns & issues… and the most precious of all, a rational & inquisitive mind – ever in search of knowledge and the ability to contemplate and accept, with a heart that places others before self!

It’s like being in multiple planes … of existence all at the same time.

  1. A very physical & emotional web of people -  family, friends & relations – a mixed conservative arena with well set bounds!
  2. Another plane of objective creativity – work, futuristic things et. al. with no bounds whatsoever.
  3. And finally this plane of self-realization, a space for myself where am left alone myself and with my thoughts. This is where it happens … the more i realize, the more i look inwards, the more lonelier i feel. All the books & writings point to a very simple fact of finding god within self and experience the oneness.And i just want that …. No more! But, am not even able to feel let alone “experience” – not even the distant presence of the vast oneness within me!

That calls for a still mind perhaps! :( In which case, am not even a toddler in that direction).

Oh but, how i would love to have a companion through this journey if not for the guiding spirit!

But something tells me, that I'll find what am looking for… if only i keep myself from straying away from the focus!

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

0

From akilan & nasar on the death howls of eelam…

கடைசிச் சவம் வீழ்ந்த பின்பு

கட்டாயம் அறிவிக்கப்படும்

வெற்றி பெற்ற கடவுளின் பெயர்!

- s.a. nasar

(From the article on akilan’s book – from the anantha vikatan 2nd March Issue)

Heart wrenching!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

0

What a following! :D hehehe…

image

Okie! My day is made! Thanks President! ;) That’s so considerate of you in the midst of all that saving the world – Am Honored!

ROFL!!!!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

0

Tips for tweeting…

(from: http://realestatezebra.com/5-rules-for-using-twitter)

1) Don’t tell me what you are doing– tell me what you are thinking.

2) Don’t tell me where you are going– tell me what moves you.

3) Don’t just tell me you wrote a new blog post– tell me why you did it.

4) Don’t just notify– engage and inspire.

5) Make sure you follow, but also try to lead.

On second thoughts, this does apply for blogging as well!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

0

Windows Live Writer…

Did i mention i started using windows live writer for blogging? Well, i should agree its a cool enough tool :) very much word like!

Nice features & simple to use!

More the use, more am i liking it.

Monday, February 09, 2009

0

Rather painful times and tidings…

Time for change? Not a question of choice anymore! :(

Being black/white and honestly expressive driven by the old value system - in this ***ked up world isn’t going to help me for sure! Hard realization. But life has to go on… and i

  1. Have to learn to contain myself (which would be having an almost killing effect on me – given the expressive person that i am) and mask my emotions & expressions! :(
  2. Have to learn to talk less! Mask More! (More than any logical reasoning one gives me, me & my style could simply be a threat to the long time pond dwellers!) – Roughly put, its hard to convince me in an argument/discussion unless i really really see the value! :(
  3. Have to draw the long pending tough line of separation between work & life and learn to live with it! Work has been the key driving factor so long in my career and life. Now this heartbreaking separation has to be done, to keep me sane and not to *be reactive*! my foot! :(
  4. Have to learn to fall in line with the flow, and allow myself to accept the idiosyncrasies and selfish attitudes driven by lack of sincerity and morality that am surrounded around! Not being a salmon anymore but one in the mass of a tuna shoal! (Ya, ya, but with the kind of shoal lacking the goodness / purpose of the need to be shoaling!)

All of a sudden i feel … terribly… Lonely! Is this another learning curve in life?

A Fish out of place!

A Fish almost heart broken and out of Water!

or…

remembering Tevye and his dialogues with god in  the fiddler on the roof…

Sometimes I wonder, when it gets too quiet up there, if You are thinking, "What kind of mischief can I play on My friend Tevye?

I know, I know. I am your chosen puppet. But, once in a while, can't You choose someone else?

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

0

Not today either!

Sucks! Am yet in office …. I wanted badly to leave home by 6! Just i wrapped up my tasks, i got this last minute bug assigned to my name – a critical one at that!

Thanks a ton – dearest – am stuck here! Every other soul has gone! and especially the old timers – they punctually keep up their time – at least for going home if not for the deliverables!

That makes me more resolved to blindly shutdown whatever tasks i have by 6 sharp and head home!

Tomorrow – Tomorrow Definitely!

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

0

Oh yeah! before i sign off…

This is *really* something i wanted to blog before i sign off for the day!

20090202

Location : Loo!

0

Yippie…Inching towards the 200 mark in my linked in network … 1 more to go! ;)

Yup..Yup..Yup

Numbers are nice for once!

Perhaps, i should set a target to myself to make this 300+ in another 3 months’ time! Time to get all known PICians to LinkedIn. hehe!

0

Perhaps am overworking…

Feels like am on a overdrive these days… Just realize am at office in the morning and before i feel like going home, it turns dark.

Mmmmm, could it be the constant irritant effect on having to spend most of my productive energy in devising strategies warding the innocently smart maneuvers and about how to handle brats and smartasses and laggards and the really-have-no-clue-what’s-going-around me’s and getting things done … well or doing things myself! Whew!

Bring in change or Be the Change or Just Change :D Finally, i’ve to adopt the last – god forbid!

Oops! its already 7.45 and i had promised myself that i’ll head home by 6. Stupid me!

off me goes!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

0

Need to blog more...

My blogging frequency has reduced to almost once a month! bad - should be doing the good things more often... :)

Monday, January 05, 2009

0

நீயா? நானா?

yesterday i was watching the episode of நீயா? நானா? in vijay tv. It was an interesting topic - Is Astrology true/false? Can and should one believe in Astrology?
The Pro astrology team was lacking any strong speakers and was in a pathetic shape to take on the *so called logical* questions of the other side.
It was a pity watching how they were being taken for a ride. (Unfortunately, this alone proves how weak and deep was the expertise :( )

As such am very neutral when it comes to this topic of Astrology. As a study, i have been awed by the length and breadth of rules, calculations and combinations of various factors and elements involved in the study of astrology. It isn't a conjured junk of vomit of imagination. Nope! whoever it was in the ancient past, who have come up with the study of astrology aren't any lesser genius(es). And this point was never emphasized by the pro Astrology group. Pity! They failed to set the strong base and thus in answering the actual questions.


Astrology by itself might remain a perpetually debated area of study, but it is certainly marred by the people who practice it. In this case, because of the lack of the practitioners' expertise and understanding of this vast ocean of a subject, the subject itself is given a black name. This was accepted well by the pro Astrology group themselves.

As i was watching - a doctor, who was on the other side was attacking with logical questions & his own interpretations of why astrology should not be believed. And discussing these they deviated to the subject of questioning the study of astrology itself with all the tell tale stupidness of the *learned ones* who wouldn't accept anything that they cannot fathom or understand with their puny little minds! This is what got me furious. Learned Fools!

Even a cursory peek in to the structure, relations, rules, factors, permutations and combinations & the calculations that make the basics of astrology, should really trigger a thought process in any decent man who'd like to call themselves learned, intelligent and wise. Yes! One should first learn to identify, inspect and respect any area of study (even the ones they dislike) to be fair. Failing which, i'd not qualify such a person fit to argue/discuss - as it would be foolish to do with a fool. They'd systematically drag us to their level and beat us! :)


Coming back, I had this itch of taking the same case against a proven scientific area - medicine.
  • The human body is a marvelous piece of engineering.
  • What more, it can heal itself.
  • Medicines are but helpers to this healing mechanism and they don't themselves are the cure *always*!
  • They stimulate and help the body to heal itself.
  • The ingredients of these medicines - herbs, minerals & metals - the potions etc., - well, nobody invented them by a flash of vision in their heads, while they were in the loo!
  • These were based on the observations, trial and error of research over the ages - by countless practitioners across the world.
  • In-fact, doctors don't know the roots & causes of many an ailment that affects a human body today.
  • And there are so many diseases which can't be cured either.
  • And to add to the pity, they don't even see the ailment holistically....
  • We have specialists... who treat individual organs of the body and forget the root cause - they treat the symptoms (I'd consider this more dangerous - Its like suppressing unhandled exceptions)!
  • Alas, but there are far and few who master the art of identifying, understanding, analysing & tracing back the symptoms to nail a particular ailment and provide treatment accordingly.
  • In medicine, the same symptom could be caused by various factors/ailments.
  • So, it comes to the doctor/practitioner to interpret the symptoms and provide treatment.
  • Now, which doctor do i trust? Two doctors interpret and prescribe medicines to the same ailment differently.
  • And today, we have ultra modern - sophisticated equipments, which take pictures of the body to help these practitioners diagnose... and make more money too.
So, my question is how reliable are medicine & doctors - and - how different are astrology & astrologers from medicine, on the grounds of expertise and application.
How much of medicine is left to hope, belief and prayer and how different is astrology?
When the question of which astrologer to trust, the same question arises to me - which doctor to trust?
Atleast astrology impacts directly on hope and belief of a human but in case of medicine, it directly affects the machinary that's called the human body.

The world has its share of great astrologers who are experts and predict accurate having their basic concepts strong and apply their knowledge with passion ... and great doctors who are experts in their area of work.

For either case, what matters fundamentally is the knowldge, concepts, depth of understanding, practice, passion towards their chosen subject and above all *Experience* (which comes only with time and instances posing challenges to be overcome).

I would rather summarize - we rather restrain ourselves from opinionating and be driven by lacklustre experiences to drive at conclusions on any study. Seldom is the science/art and their principles which are wrong - they are but an accumulated knowledge source of various minds woven through the fabric time - and to question them, is a privilege that i personally feel, we neither deserve nor are eligible/capable.

It is but the human touch - the practitionars of such science and art who might go wrong.
In this fast paced world, we jump to conclusions without due credit and contemplation, without analysis (or with wrong analysis - thanks to the poisioned mind which thinks they know it all!) and without realizing that everything is relative in this world! (Yes! All's relative in this world - Even right and wrong - true and false - they are all relative to one's levels of knowledge)

Bottomline: It is we who are wrong... Our beliefs and understanding is half baked... We make the wrong choices... We are the ones who can't accept things as they happen! By questioning others and in the name of "பகுத்தறிவு" - we are just trying to find a hole in the sink to let out the filth and intellegently convincing/making believe ourselves superior ... Superior Fools!

One who has questions will search ...
and find answers...
and when he knows in his heart - reaching a point of realization that he doesn't have the bandwidth for ascertaining "right" and "wrong" - while analysing the answer...
He learns to accept. To accept that he is limited by his knowledge.
Once accepted the same question would not arise again...
he'd be filled with peace and silence. :)

And He'd be filled with a different question the next time.
This time his earlier acceptance would have enhanced his knowledge...
Leading him to the next levels of realization...
And the layers of life, the levels of realization will unfold as that of an onion.

Finally, it all leads to - whether you accept or not!
Acceptance is the base for true knowledge.

Monday, December 01, 2008

0

Outlook journal

Started using outlook journal to keep track of my time spent on daily tasks.
:) not that am getting very organized et al., but this is the outcome / hard realization out of the pain involved in filling up the timesheets for almost three months in a bunch. I don't think i would like to scuffle in my outlook and try to deduce what i was working on a daily basis - over the past three months one more time ever! whew!
Pain in the bum!

Better get wiser by tracking things as is and when!

Friday, November 21, 2008

0

A sweet and sour day!

:( A Very bad start to the day, today! One of the rare moments when you feel like vanishing off - at the whim of a thought, or to get the "Click" remote and rewind...pause...change things!

Whew! There are some things - which details - i'd never get myself to express or share publicly. But only whine about that something nasty happened! Today's scenes were one such showcase!

But i should say - i survived the blast! Left out dazed and dizzy for sure but i could stay detached. Am surprised about that myself!

And once at office, things changed - change of moods... work, and am fine!

but something within has been impacted ... a hit deep down for sure. i will get to realize that over a period of time!

already feeling aloof, detached and lost! But may be this time - its for my own good! ;)

Monday, September 29, 2008

0

Live to make an impact!

Live to make an impact!
Its like a vegetable to have lived long enough and did nothing but to melt away the days in routine!
Make the living itself a meaningful purpose, than to run behind knowing the purpose of life.

Well, thats something for myself from myself, in a flash of motivational thought.
Yes, am on the way back to finding my good old high spirited self.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

2
a must read for all architects : http://ping.fm/EiWT1 ;)
0
interesting read : ... they found that presenting the concrete architecture gives visibility of unexpected architectural interactions, and that the logical view (UML package diagram and class diagram) was the most useful in understanding the system
0
too tired today. Overslept and now stuck in traffic.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

0
70% of uds completed. Feels good with the progress.

Monday, July 28, 2008

0
left ofc early. Got to select leather for sofa.
0
a sudden flash of thought - approach life with a reckless abandon! As in cooking!
0
It dawned upon me that the first application i launch every day is FF! subconsciously, addicted to the web!

Saturday, July 26, 2008

0
feeling better mentally! the home interiors are shaping up good... hopefully expect things to get completed by another week / 10 days!

Friday, July 25, 2008

0
Reading .a whack on the side of the head.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

0
finally done with moving the heavy weights up the apt. Now to get them within the wardrobes. It'll be a close call.
0
shifting heavy godrej bearaus to the new apt. Bummer the power is gone! Waiting for the elixir of modern life to be back.
0
solved a tricky problem for a colleague which had been persisting for a long time. stupid IE proxy issue!
0
checking up ping.fm... finally, got a beta code! yippie!

Monday, July 07, 2008

0

Thoughts from the past...part 1

Something which i had penned up a few years back, during one of those feeling "bare it all" moments! makes perfect sense upto this date! read on!

I have all things one would need to lead a comfortable life. Thank you my lord. You've given me all i "need".

But for this vaccum. An Empty feeling to go with!

It accompanies like a mandatory dessert thurst upon following a hearty meal onto a hunger starved stomach and thanks to the dessert - ending up with an upset stomach!

:) Yes! it does have a trace of humour in a way! In your own mysterious way!

The most trusted folks mistake me! When all looks just perfect and in serene harmony, off comes a storm from nowhere, sudden and unexpected. Issues of one or the other kind.

Well yes! Things do get settle down over a while, not very unlike the storm calming down eventually and ... alas - certainly leaving away the marks of its fury!

The impact is profuse, when it is with trusted folks!

Life, as am observing ... unfolds itself in an interesting cycle. Only the exact sequence of happenings & the duration does vary.

For starters, lets say ... it all starts on a happy note, there's this period of absolute bliss... Calm & Content feel all around.... in and out...@home, @office...health, wealth, friends & relatives.

..and then comes a twist!
something happens...
and the harmony is disrupted.

Lets say @ office... a sudden political issue/crisis crops up out of nowhere... or a project failure! It boils and boils and reaches its pinnacle... before finally subsiding ever so slowly... leaving for sure a trail of damages!

This phase, especially related to ofc gets me worried and insecure easily... and often shatters whatever is left of my ego. As the side effects it gets me onto a depressive cycle, and at times reaching to the extents of wrecking havoc on my confidence.

But again...! Things Change!

As and when just recovering from this, the next tide will fall over as fast as the previous. This time lets say it'd be the home front!
A new battlefield... sometimes the elders, sometimes the betterhalf, sometimes its myself and at times its the triggers from the outsiders ... the relatives!

Unprecedented ... unnecessary arguments, flares of anger, outbursts & showers of emotions. Though these would be very short lived (off late! :) and ever so thankful to the almighty). RCA most often than never, traces the core causes to misunderstandings, misinterpretations, perspectives... mostly driven by lack of patience and fueled by assumtions (thoughts without being voiced & confirmed for clarity).

Negativity...Distruptive emotions and assumptions take up the drivers' seat, pushing back the positive outlooks and magnanimous let go / forgive n forget attitude..., killing naivity, ignoring innocence ...

all in all in their combined chaos driving themselves and others with swells of pain!
Sigh!

As the sun rises bringing light to the day... day after day, driving away the darkness .. So does these issues subside and wane away, but surely after living up their tenure, as does the night lasts for 12 hours! :)

Then strikes the health factor! oh my! this one is pathetic of all!
Makes me hate doctors, nurses, hospitals, pharmacists & the pharma companies! (these are my personal experiences. there are certainly doctors and institutions i respect and take in awe - but they are a few in thousands if not in millions! :))

its a loooooooong post, and hence ... to be continued!


Sunday, July 06, 2008

0

My fav. Snap of kiddo.




Took this when he was around 10 months!

Posted by ShoZu



Friday, June 27, 2008

0

did i say i changed my phone?

well, it wasn't a willful thing...
with all the trouble in taking calls, i would not have parted away with my p800!

alas, it happened so - one wretched day, on a foul mood and furious temper took away my rationale for a moment and the poor p800 had its final kiss of life on a mortal embrace with the wall, ending up a vegetable.

The display is gone totally, though i occasionally feel the starting tremors of the battery when i try to switch it on. I still have hopes to recover all the precious data within.

So, i switched on to a new phone.
Back to nokia after almost 4+ years with sony ericsson.

I got myself a slim n tall beauty - The nokia E51!
I should say, it has already found its place with me, seldom letting me remember the absence of my good old p800.

:) One of those very few material possessions i cherish for in life.

0

Music to ears...

Kiddo is forming words now... He's pretty active and keeps roaming around the house ... end to end... talking and cooing and making all sorts of sounds! :)

Delight to watch!
So sweet to watch him take shape ... growing bigger by the day and acquiring new skills. I miss him a lot. It is just 10 days since he's gone to his grandparents' house. and it seems eons.

What would i call this?!!!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

0

To ponder!


Tuesday, April 15, 2008

0

Moving ahead...

After a span of almost 3.5 years, the fish moves (inevitably) out of the pond that had had become its home (alas, a Mirage that it turned out to be)! Not a good feeling at all, even though the new destination is a much bigger lake and is lush green, as the fish has to part with a father figure, who has invariably become a part of life - someone in whose presence the fish had grown accustomed to be in peace and a reassuring calmness.

And now, the fish is going to be in the wild as in the past! :)
SIGH! C'est la Vie!
pour ne pas s'inquiéter. je survivrai !

Monday, February 25, 2008

0

Kiddo waves bye! :)

kiddo waved me bye today to office. :) it was a cute, sweet gesture, coming from the tiny tot and cheered me up, coming as a pleasant surprise! He has learnt to blabber bah-bye in his own childish language off late, but to see that he has learnt enough to co-ordinate the bye-bye with waving his tiny hands, as i set out in the car.
:) sweet moments of being a proud dad.

It sure would be a pleasant time watching him grow.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

0

Choice!

I've a choice!

a. Keep thinking and analyzing about things not in my control and drive myself mad

or

b. just put an abrupt fullstop, muster all my strength and courage, pull myself from away this mental trauma and move ahead!


Murphy's laws shall hold good.
- Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
- Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
- If you think you are doing the right thing, chances are it will back-fire in your face.
- Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will.
- No good deed goes unpunished.
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

0

Of Angels & Demons

"...the vision awaiting him stopped him in his tracks. She stood on the balcony, her back to the railing, her eyes gazing deeply at him. She looked like a heavenly apparition... a radiant silhouette with the moon behind her. She could have been a Roman goddess, enshrouded in her white terrycloth robe, the drawstring cinched tight, accentuating her slender curves. Behind her, a pale mist hung like a halo over Bernini's Triton Fountain."

A Dream fabric woven with the magic of words! Igniting!

"You can admit it! You feel a longing. I see it in your eyes. A deep, carnal hunger". She smiled. "I feel it too. And that craving is about to be satisfied".

"It is?" He felt emboldened and took a step toward her.

"Completely." She held up a room-service menu. "I ordered everything they've got!"

...and now the Enlightenment!

:) - Fantasy as a welcome change of thoughts - even if lingering for a precious few moments, away from the mechanical rut of daily chores! a brief journey down the maze of mind, fueled and imbibed by words ... liberation of sorts! Glimpses of the Free Spirit within self!

Spreads a thin mischievous smile across the lips, in-spite of the gray matter being in war with itself!
Sounds paradoxical too in a way!

Sunday, September 02, 2007

0

finally! my home desktop is net enabled and my dvd player is upgraded!

after ages of deliberation, finally got a wireless adapter - thus
internet enabling my desktop. Thanks to this piece of toy, am wide
awake until now (its already early morning).

The adapter is already heated up by now - having been run for at least two hours non stop. ;)
Acid test for NetGear!

along
with the adapter, i was forced to get home a new DVD player, thanks to
my old one, which kicked the bucket y'day - and the dealer mercilessly
diagnosed both the SMPS and the board (dunno what is there inside the
box apart from these two components and oh yeah - the drive!) have died
- by reasons unknown.

Sara
tells me that it is a very very unlikely possibility to have both SMPS
and board being fried unless the box was hit by a lightning!

Bad timing for me! altogether it was an unexpected / unprecedented spend of 5k in a day!
Sheesh!

Powered by ScribeFire.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

1 comments

End of August 07!

Third quarter of 07 turned out to be one of a kind in the career front!
Too many developments..., Too many happenings...!
Mostly not very positive.

Key people quitting, Delayed deliveries, Technical issues, execution failures ... all in a bunch and at the same time!
wouldn't say its all back to normal yet, but i do see light at end of the tunnel.

of most, am disappointed with myself, angry, dis-satisfied and dis-oriented.
should get retro. and battle out this feeling!

by god! this time - am nuts! the morale and strength gauges have hit rock bottom like never!
makes me to look back to the old days of Myself-Tech-Comp-Books-Ciggies-solitude.

Should find something involving and satisfying to get back up to my normal self!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

0

What in the world is a C-String?!!! Find out ;)

Bumped into this interesting tidbit accidentally.

The first look drove my imaginations and the text above challenging you, just confirmed the direction of my imagination. :D
well, and i wasn't wrong!

Check for yourselves.
Sure world has a lot of innovative people around... er., designers to be precise.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

0

A timely inspiring poem...

Train of Life

========



Some folks ride the train of
life


Looking out the rear,

Watching miles of life roll
by,


And marking every year.



They sit in sad
remembrance,


Of wasted days gone by,

And curse their life for
what it was,


And hang their head and cry.



But I don't
concern myself with that,


I took a different vent,

I look
forward to what life holds,


And not what has been
spent.




So strap me to the engine,

As securely as I can
be,


I want to be out on the front,

To see what I can
see.




I want to feel the winds of change,

Blowing in my
face,


I want to see what life unfolds,

As I move from place to
place.




I want to see what's coming up,

Not looking at the
past,


Life's too short for yesterdays,

It moves along too
fast.




So if the ride gets bumpy,

While you are looking
back,


Go up front, and you may find,

Your life has jumped the
track.




It's all right to remember,

That's part of
history,


But up front's where it's happening,

There's so much
mystery.




The enjoyment of living,

Is not where we have
been,


It's looking ever forward,

To another year and
ten.




It's searching all the byways,

Never should you
refrain,


For if you want to live your life,

You gotta drive
the train.




[got this poem from pravsworld, as part of daily subscription mails - not sure about the content re-production/permission nitty gritties here - if anybody has any qualms i'll remove it from here]


Sunday, June 24, 2007

0

Vulnerability!

A day that can't be forgotten. the day aditya made me scared and made me feel helpless.

It is the same helpless, vulnerable feeling, with a pang of fear of unknown... that

had struck me when mom was down all of a sudden with diabetic fluctuations and then

during sathya's early days of pregnancy..

oh yeah, and of-course on the tension filled moments of aditya's delivery.



coming back, Junior was all fit and fine, until late night. we had taken him out to temple and back.

Aditya looks to be pretty sensitive with the sounds and the environ around him. He prefers

serenity, calm and peace. He is at his playful best within a peaceful environ.



Around 12ish PM, he started crying, started first with minor disturbances in his sleep and developed

into a non-stop, incessent crying - inspite of trying out a slew of alternates to get him calmed

down.



Toys, songs, lullabies, swinging from shoulder to shoulder of mom,dad,grandma & granddad,

rocking in the swing, mom's feed, cerelac, walking around with him on shoulders...

nothing ... nothing would calm him down.



Sathya remembered suddenly to give him the colic drops even after which the crying wouldn't

subside. she was in tears, watching him cry not knowing why and what was troubling the little

infant...



It for once made me weak, and got me onto the panic mode... not knowing what to do.

but to pray... dear god!

and the stark vulnerability struck me another time!



Called tilak.... around 12.30ish, woke him up and asked if he could suggest something.

he advised colic and if it doesn't stop, get him to lakeside hospital where the doc's are available

24/7. esp. paedeatricians. Tilak called me later in a while and told most probably he should be

alright by the time we reach the hospital. That usually the kiddo would doze off during the drive.



We rushed him up... to lakeside., and fortunately thru the drive, kiddo remained silent but

for a few bouts of crying.



Lakeside had a paedeatrician, Dr. Shilpa, checked him up and certified him fine and healthy and

nothing to be worried about - but for that his kind of crying showed him in some pain.

Mostly colic or ear pain. Again the same advice - to provide the colic drops.



By now the kiddo had almost got back to his normal self. :) it was so heartwarming to watch him

smile, waving his arms in air and cooing... and reaching for the doctors' stethascope.



We got back home and with some advice from shilpa on how and when the drops had to be given and

what kind of gap should be given between administering different drops.



Its colic for stomach and crocin for the rest.



A night, that made me question myself again about our knowledge, our ability to control,

confidence and our beliefs! Sigh!



To look back a moment and contemplate how our parents would have brought us up, with

but half the modern amneties looks just what an uphill task it should have been and makes

me feel nothing in front of their resolve and determination. Salute to them!



Along with modernization and globalization of the world & breakthroughs in science et. al.,

we are but becoming more and more dependent on things - which ultimately makes us weak and lazy.





As long as it was bachelorhood, it was like the spirits of a raging bull, taking up life head on...

but now... with live dependents around you, and life teaching you by its experiences, reminding time and again

about who's the master here, the spirits wane... and subside - giving way to hope, trust and belief in the supernatural -

the Almighty.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

2

Friendships and fragility...

Are friendships a fragile commodity?



Can and will this be true between friends of 12+ years?

How much damage will a small rift cause?



For one, am already feeling hurt over the happenings... and feel victimised!

Sigh!



Hope, Even this will pass away!

Saturday, May 26, 2007

0

back.., back.., back!

Me's back again! :) after a loooooong hibernation period of hectic tasks/fire fighting schedules keeping me away from any kind of thought crunching at all!



The last month esp. was a nightmare! Missed schedules / Mixed up emotions / My prevailing erratic ill health & finallly - having been left alone to myself for a few weeks!



Per se, looking back the past on this thought makes me chuckle and sound how much of a hypocrite i've become!

Yes! doesn't sound at all like the ideallic 'me', talking such things - esp. calling myself a hypocrite of sorts!



5 years back, i very clearly remember - what a person i was!

Steadfast - Chin up - with an attitude of justifying things my own way and insist proving others wrong - than proving myself right! And life had had taught me a few important lessons :



- No Expectations

- No Dependencies

- No Assumptions

- No (there was another point which my mind fails to recollect now) Illusions (i persume!)



so, i preferred to be left alone with no human company, submerged head deep in my own ideals, dreams and fantasies and viewing this world as a big playground of oppertunities and just about that - like playing a game!



"Survival of the fittest"!



"Even god won't help you if you can't helf yourself"!




Books, Ciggies & Comp were all that i needed!



And to wander around the globe, like a nomad - mostly alone (with the exception of wishing a like minded uber partner ;) to match the fire within) was the top thing on my wish-list!



Though i've never been rude with people, i've always extended a helpful hand, and going the extra mile. But, i've never seen myself a social animal per se, appreciating human company (but for the one special dream partner!)!

Until Now!



And today, its all different! I am a lot different than what i was 5 years back!



When left alone, now, it feels haunting!

Got used to mum/dad/wife n family! and Now to Junior!



Esp. when am sick and can't willfully pull myself together to help myself!



God, those are times which i really really want people around me! mom/dad/wife - or any loving caring soul,

at those times of pain.... when even the minor physical discomforts and illness trigger up cascading torrents of thoughts - mostly depressing and futuristic and worrisome! Thanks to all that F***ing antibiotics, which keep me down physically and mentally drowzy!



thank goodness there are parents... a wife... a distant cousin... a loving friend...

somebody who cares and makes you feel you are not left alone in this wretched world!



Work is different....

Home is different....

Outlooks have changed....

The self centeric point of thinking is gone!

Before i could realize and wake up... a small exclusive world has already been built around me!...

of close knit family, friends, bosses, team members... colleagues, and man - me's already grounded!

and day after day it is becoming difficult to break free / move away / keep far from this exclusive world!



I had to force myself to be not so dependent .... unless am ready to suffer losses / blows!

This family thing... social stuff... is something like gravity... an invisible magnetic force that keeps you pulling down to the core. To break free - er., well - one needs to defy this force! need for some rocket fuel! calling for massive efforts to keep aloof and floating! ;)



and now, i get the point... a realization...

I got to oblige this gravity... and let the self be pulled and kept bound - as a social animal, within the fabric of family and society.

And yet, like the discoverer shuttle, when a need arises i should be able to break free of this bondage and zoom past against the gravity, defying it to be free.... to have a walk in the space... just to be myself and then, to return back to this bondage... giving in to the gravity... returning home!



Well, end of the day, with the notion of time, looks to me - we all end up hypocrites of a kind under the guise of experience and new learnings/realizations.

([palms up] just purely my own point of view)!



Call me stupid or a Nut - but these are what my first hand feelings/thoughts are - fresh out of the head! There is no-better way i could put it!

Friday, May 04, 2007

1 comments

A Taste of being conned! :)

As of every summer, this year too the exhibition/carnival has been put up at the RBNMS grounds. its a melee of crowd dominated by kids - thanks to the summer holidays.



Me, mom, venu n anand had been to the exhibition on tuesday evg. Usual stalls, selling everything and anything. Interesting thing to note was the origin of these stalls. a few of them were from madurai, tamilnadu - reminded me of the mariyamman temple thiruvizah stalls. Similar merchandise, similar crowd - only the venue and presentation were different.



Another dominating factor was the cheap chinese goods. got to watch where we end up with such infiltration of chinese maal.



Apart from the stalls comes all sorts of joy rides and one "intelligent" dog-donkey pair. as i was curious to watch the action live, having heard the stories of this intelligent donkey from senthil last year, couldn't do so cuz of the queue and crowd for this particular show. may be on another visit perhaps. second visit is very likely as venu was very much interested to hike up one of those joy rides but to his dismay, neither me nor anand were game to give him company. me running cold and a fever wasn't very curious to hitch a ride.



Coming to the highlight of the visit, on our way out - there was this vendor with his equipment sported on a maruthi van, boasting to read your fortunes for 10 Rs. a person - by palm reading. Curiosity overtook us and always having a weak spot for such occult things, me and venu went in closer for a look, tempted.



In specific the vendor had a table before the van, on top of which there were a sheaf of papers and a duster kinda thingy. This got me more curious, as if he is going to take an imprint of our palms. So, moved in closer for inspecting what is that he has. Before we could realise, the vendor got us grabbed - quick and fast. Took venu's hand and even while we were making up our minds to proceed or not, he swiped venu's hand with the duster thingy, which turned out to be a simple inkpad soaked in water.



He got venu's palm wet and placed it atop a plain white sheet. Taking the mildly wet sheet with venu's palm imprint, he turned towards his magic machine - the looks of it were so sophisticated as that of a remote control panel :) (gotta see it to believe it). The back of the maruthi van was totally customized with a comp. monitor, the cpu, an inkjet printer and a mysterious looking slot for the paper and two side panels with a multitude of speakers mounted on 'em.



What the heck is he going to do...? Is he having a scanner in his sophisticated infrastructure that scans thru the palm imprint and interpret? Image processing? Pattern Recognition? Artificial Intelligence? this was getting more and more curious.



Even as these thoughts were racing thru my mind, the vendor slided in the paper into this mysterious slot, asked us in which language we wanted the reading and with a few quick key-strokes, switched to few hidden windows (crude vb written message/dialog boxes) for a fraction of a second and pressed a few buttons.



Voila, the inkjet started spewing out a print-out as this fellow pulled out the paper back from the mysterious slot. He got both the papers pinned together and handed out to us.



All this happened in less than a minutes' time.



To my amazement i saw the paper with palm imprint from the mysterious slot had turned black - as if it had been analysed, processed and printed, while the printout from the inkjet contained a page of random readings. All Preset!



Then it dawned on me!

:) we had been conned. lol.



It was worse than a 1 Re. weight machine spitting out random pre-printed quotes (about your personality/future) behind the weight slip.



But a brilliant idea and a beautiful show of con, exploiting the unassuming common-man of his 10 Rs.

It was hilarious. :) One side feeling infuriated for letting ourselves to be conned & fooled while on the other side praising his guts and intelligence, to put up such a business model in public and making a living out of it.



Goodness Gracious! Quite an experience it was.

Monday, April 23, 2007

0

Thankless World! Thankless People!

Me and shekar had gone to SLV to have a snack to kill our hunger, this evening.

A Small drama unfolded slowly as we were having our food.



There was a vendor selling shirts in the shade of the badami tree in front of SLV and for some idiotic reason, he started to break the low-hanging branches of the badami tree. Soon, few more people joined in helping him break the low hanging branches and it was a halla very soon.



Moving away from the point of culling the low hanging branches, even the higher branches were ripped and broken, in a frenzy!



And believe me, it was infuriating - mindless mob mentality in play!



Looking at all this, just a thought struck me quick.

In this burning summer day, that badami tree has been providing shade for the vendor to sell his shirts and the same vendor by evening, breaks off the branches of the tree, in great thanks!



Am not sure, if he had realised what he was doing even a wee li'l bit!



Thankless World! Thankless People!

I don't know if i can still love people for what they are and how they are!

Sigh!



Wednesday, February 28, 2007

0

Ideas for junior!

It is reallly exciting to watch junior grow!
haven't yet given him a name! still under major discussions!

Gonna create a scrapbook :)
the good old fashioned way!
With pictures and notes and crafted stuff!
Exciting!

Junior's crying has changed - his voice sounds more precise.
he recognises faces more clearly....apart from identifying who's holding him!

he's already smart to react to voice modulations of his mother!
if she raises her voice, junior goes silent - shrinking his face and pulling down the eyebrows... just almost ready to cry...
and if she goes on a scolding tone, phat! he breaks out crying!
and when she takes a soothing tone, he calms down and looks at the intently...and gives an occasional smile!

oh boy! he's quite a delight ... can go on playing for hours with him!
he goes mostly by his mom in the face and seems to have inherited part of my behaviors :) along with the physique!

Need to get a nice digital cam for taking his pics.

Monday, February 26, 2007

0

catching up...


Many a happenings since the past 10 days...
A New server farm has been setup from scratch configured....
Maya was released successfully, after a lot of struggle...
Late nights...
Visit to Junior (has grown more visibly...and developed a wonderful smile! goes by mom in the face and dad in behavior)...
Console sessions to an old friend...
Happy moments for another dear friend with his prospective job interviews...
A Shaky stomach for the past few days...
Senti moments with family...
Watched a wierd disturbing movie ("Babel")... (reminds me of "butterfly effect")
Lost all my TT games....

and finally a helpless feeling of being let down, despite the successful release of maya!
and am getting more and more clueless in life!
Feel more lonelier than ever!

I am badly in need of something... A Driving passion to get my old self back... A New Goal!
New Challenges! Some Inspiration! This life is getting way too monotonous!

Remembering Bharathi!

தேடிச் சோறுநிதந் தின்று - பல
சின்ன்ஞ் சிறுகதைகள் பேசி - மனம்
வாடித் துன்பமிக உழன்று - பிறர்
வாடப் பலசெயல்கள் செய்து - நரை
கூடிக் கிழப்பருவ மெய்தி - கொடுங்
கூற்றுக் கிரையெனப்பின் மாயும் - பல
வேடிக்கை மனிதரைப் போலே - நான்
வீழ்வே னென்றுநினைத் தாயோ?


Nope!
I Won't!
Need to get back to my normal self!
The raw, aggressive good old me!

Remebering the thread in kuppu's blog on happiness moods!
:) nothing has changed around me! its just my mind!
my head playing tricks in waves of diverse rushing emotions!

Got to get out of this foul mood/thought process!

Friday, February 16, 2007

0

Ode to my breadwinner for the past 10 years

Delphi turns 12!
Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!


Happy birthday Dear Delphi, and wish you many more returns of the happy day!
Hope Codegear takes care of you well and help you reach the heights you deserve!

Delphi....
What should be said as just another RAD tool / Platform, means quite a lot to me...

She won me my bread and butter for 10 years...
has build me my career...
got me accolades and recognition...
and
gave me lifetime friends!


feels dreamy....
still remember the first time i saw delphi...

late 1995 - an introductory seminar organized by then dealers for borland products in india - wipro.
It was Daniel Ingitaraj, present day (Director, "Developer Platform Evangelism" at microsoft singapore)
who did the show and the talk.

and on that fateful day, the love with delphi blossemed... which continued (and occasionally continues...) to help me win my bread for the past 10 years. And turned me into a hardcore delphi fanatic delphi advocate.

Of course it wasn't a bed of roses, but still in india, Delphi was a niche platform and the developer community was miniscule - but very technical and strong. (some of the toughest brilliant minds - as delphi was and still remains a platform without proper schools for training). And much fewer delphi software houses.

Delphi was a passion among the community and it was more a cult and there was a time when delphi gurus were revered. :) and it was prestigeous to work with any of the delphi stronghold/software houses.

Sigh!!! The scene changed after 2001. Dot Net And D8 spelled the decline of delphi and scattering of the delphi techies... The passion dissipated overall and the second/third/fourth generation of delphi developers were no match/no good with the first ones!

By then, delphi has become just another platform and the passion has vanished. With less/no money/market being a delphi developer was no fancy.

Delphi had become one another commodity. (I still view it the same - in its present scenario)

There are a few islands of people who still work on delphi with the same passion. but rare to find!
It is worthy of writing a story and not just filling a blog entry with a few paras!

Some day, i'll find time and the mind to pen those golden days! :)

Thursday, February 08, 2007

1 comments

ABN (Pain in the ***) Net Banking!

Stupid...F***ING Net Banking Online!!

Reasons enough not to use this facility from ABN!



# Options doesn't work properly

# Takes ages to Load

# Moving from one option to other is a real Pain in the ***.

# Annoying change password screen while switching between options

# Stupid Stupid User Interface

# Statement Downloads is a Nightmare

# On top of all this, the account gets disabled if not used for a month or so!



Soooooooooo very Ameturish!

Doesn't make me feel any safe while doing transctions via ABN netbanking.

Yuk!



Citibank's net banking is far far better!

Thursday, January 25, 2007

1 comments

Junior ME! :)

15th Jan 2007
Pongal Release...!

blessed with Junior ME. a sweet little baby boy.

junior chose to come almost 12 days before the eta. :)
may be the storks were proactively ahead of the delivery schedule.

it turned out to be quite a nice story, of his release, in spite of the tensions and crossed fingers.

i was fortunate enough destined to get to hold junior in my hands.
Yes! it was an exhilerating experience to see hold my son - in flesh.

he was small, fragile, pink with long limbs and long fingers...
and so very helpless...
yet so - the bundle of joy! :)

and i was almost in tears.

... to be continued

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

0

படித்து-ரசித்துக் கொண்டிருப்பது...

பொன்னியின் செல்வன்!



:) அமரர் கல்கியின் அமர காவியம்.



ஈரோட்டில் ஏதேனும் நல்ல தமிழ் புத்தகங்கள் கிடைக்குமா-வென்று - புத்தகக் கடைகளில் ஏறி இறங்கிய பொழுது - எதிர்பாரா விதமாய் கிடைத்தது.



அதுவும் - மிகவும் மலிந்த விலைக்கு - 6 பாகங்கள் - 175 Rs!



பலப்-பல வருஷங்களுக்குப் பிறகு, மீண்டும்
பொன்னியின் செல்வன்! படிக்கும் பாக்கியம்!



வந்தியத்தேவனும் - குந்தவையும், அருள்மொழி வர்மரும், நந்தினியும் - ஆஹா! என்னவொரு பாத்திரப் படைப்புகள்!

குறிப்பாக வந்தியத்தேவனின் பாத்திரப் படைப்பை மட்டுமே எவ்வளவு அற்புதமாக வடித்திருக்கிறர் கல்கி!

Esp. all the Flirtings between
வந்தியத்தேவன் - குந்தவை!



Awesome rendering of Flirting, Poetic Romanticism and Ecstatic encounters - loaded with words, quick wit and a wonderful sense of humor - and yet without making it to stand out any obvious / obscene!



Hats off to this literary genius for the brilliancy of his words and expressive masterpiece.

Tons of Sheer Delight!



கரும்பு தின்னக் கூலி! :)

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

1 comments

என்னை பாதித்த வலைப் பின்னல்கள்!!!

http://kadalganesan.blogspot.com/ - மனிதர் என்னவாய் எழுதுகிறார்!!! மனதைப் பிழிகிறது. கற்றது கடலளவு என்று!!!



தாரிணி கவிதைகள் - http://pearlshell.blogspot.com/ - ரசனை! :)

Sunday, January 07, 2007

0

beginnings of the new year...

this year started with a serious, moving note for me...

yup, i was watching "schindler's list", thru the late night of 31st Dec/1st Jan.



the last shot was moving....

when the allied forces win and germans retreat, time comes for schindler to flee...

and the schindler jews, forge him a golden ring (with the golden teeth one of the jews still manages to save through the regime!) and a letter of schindler's historic deeds for his jews, signed by all 1000+ of them.



Holding the ring in his hands, schindler breaks down...

like a child...

and if had he been more thoughtful - he could have traded more jews! yes! for all the earthly possessions and his grandoise expenditures ...





reminds me of making money...

and the argument i had had with papillion, ages back...



me : am content with what i have... don't want to earn more!

papi : well, you can earn more and give more for charity/to help others as you wish!



and i disagreed! equating more money with greed.

can't say i've changed much, but schindlers' story gets my thoughts racing...



may be i should...

Saturday, January 06, 2007

0

Lost! ... and to be found!

Lights out and bright - all around,
·····yet deep within - it's all Lights Out!

he has all that a simple person would envy upon
·····as the rich nomad in the eyes of a stationary begger
yet this nomad in thoughts is mobile...
·····in search of the stationary beggers' peace!

there comes the moments of rejoice for this nomad,
·····just as the morning dew drops on the blades of lime green grass...
to be grabbed by the greedy rays of the sun on its wake,
·····just a few moments, a few precious moments... as the spasms of pleasure!

happiness, they say - or not, is within...
·····hence he asks, to himself -
"me, hey me, did you,
·····grab those precious moments of rejoice from me?

where the me within feeds on my thoughts
·····and churns out questions" -

this nomad has been blessed with an incessent mind
·····that's cursed to think to feel.

this nomad has lost his keys
·····anyone, can anyone ...
help - find back his innocence & ignorance,
·····he has lost the keys to happiness & fears of feel!

two little hands, ten tender fingers,
·····reaching out of the womb,
yes! they might - they just might, behold the magic
·····guiding him to those keys lost!

smile, giggle and laugh
·····making him smile, giggle and laugh...
the godsend little bundle of joy
·····just might be the answer to his pleas, help him find his bundles of joy!

it's Lights OUT all around...
·····new paths, new ways, new walks,
change the constant with time the healer,
·····godsend again, brings him soon - this bundle of joy!
and deep within at this thought - it's Lights out and bright!
0

first bricks of a wall?

deep down i sense there's a wall starting to build with a good friend and confidant of mine.

yes, it is the after math of what i recorded in my preveious post.



i see the tell-tale signs.



feels a little bit helpless.

as b s says in situations not in our control, perhaps i should take it cool, slow and absolutely no reactive measures. what would be a good way to break the upcoming wall?



on the + side, there was a good chat in the afternoon. but still, after all that, why do i feel what i feel now?!

is it just me?! but ain't say that cuz i saw it today during the TT session. was a bit childish, but couldn't miss sensing that 'extra bit' more than the normal spirit to win that game... and the gradual distancing in a couple of other matters...



Sigh! a test for me perhaps!



கிருஷ்ணா, if it sincerely is a test, please be with me, and guide me!

cuz, eitherways, i'll end to lose this game!

Friday, January 05, 2007

1 comments

நா காக்க!

யாகாவா ராயினும் நாகாக்க காவாக்கால்

சோகாப்பர் சொல்லிழுக்குப் பட்டு.



pretty wise a statement!

something slipped my tongue, in a moment of tension and for which eventually i feel very bad within!



Sigh! things done can't be changed, pray to avoid such stuff in the future!

Saturday, December 30, 2006

0

A sad tiding!!!

one of my three angel fishes, is dead!
it has been a long time member of the family, almost an year old.

dad and mom are going to be very sad, to find it dead.
off late the fishes have become extended family and both of them have developed an affection to the fishes.

all was fine in the evening...
dunno what caused this.... sigh!!!

:(
0

Exams ... Done and over with!

ah, what a relief...
well for sure my aching hands will agree.

out of the 4 papers, i wrote 3, and skipped one - microprocessors and architectures.
no whys and buts! that paper is for the next sem.
didn't want to give a half hearted try.

that aside, it was a pretty interesting experience.

Funny people, funny experiences @ the venue (if only one can call all that funny)
- a supervisor voluntarily coming out to help the majority of awestruck students by answering a 10 mark question
- and to help answer papers move around
- and to be blissfully ignorant of the very obvious folded "bits"
- girls, yes girls, so gutsy enough to get the subject books (??!@!!!) and copy from them directly
- icing on the cake, was this offer made to a fellow student who happened to have completed his exam in a puff and haven't performed well.
- he could choose to come over after the exam is over and all students are out and collect his paper - and can happily write the answers to his fill (with the text book of course) - in a venue thats absolutely mind blowing - in the principal's office at the exam venue!

can you believe it? believe it or not, this is my first hand experiences of evolution in exam hall practices, after a period of 9 years!

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

3

Exams!!! After almost 10 years!

Wrote my first PG exam, after almost 10 years.
felt like being in school all over again.
i still have my hands paining, thanks to writing nonstop for 2+ hours.

sigh!!! 3 more exams to go!
3 more days of pain.

oh and todays' exams were ok-ok.

wish only the paper evaluator, can understand my handwriting.
all will be evident, when the results are out! ;) hoping for the best.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

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Hannibal Barca - an Awe Inspiring saga - Master Strategist and Tactician

As i was preparing for my upcoming exams, today, (with the TV running in background) i accidentally got glued up to this full length documentary of Hannibal Barca, of Carthage, credited to be one of the finest commanders in history.

It was awe inspiring - the drive, the determination, the vengence and his strategy and much more! A heart wrenching story of such a moving human tale and what his own country did to him.

But the point that is making be write down this entry is different. It is his Strategies. He has been called famously as the "Father of Strategy" by the military historian, Theodore Ayrault Dodge and as well known to be a tactician of supreme capacity.

It is this mysterious pull of strategies and tactics, which lure me to get indulged. And hold an unknown charm to delve more deeper.
Yes, now i can put words finally to the abstraction in my mind as to what i want to see myself to be : A Strategist, A Tactician and a good leader.

This also triggers me to compile and read more about strategies.
A worthwhile cause to improve / keep me concentrated for a long time, i guess. ;)

me's getting started from here.
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The picture perfect sony commercial...

Its stealing my heart...
The picture perfect, vibrant face of that modern age michaelangelo model in the opening shot...
the oozing music...
finger trumming drum beats...

The new sony walkman phones commercial is just AWESOME!
trying to fish out an video version for downloads online.

Anybody who knows/has a copy, please do let me know!

Friday, December 15, 2006

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Sundar the Zipper?

Brigade Road Signal, until Suleh circle.
10.15 am

Ah not again - there goes another one... and another!
Sigh! I need to let them know.

I steer to my left and nudge my way forward up front, trying to reach that forgetful poor homo sapien on the motor with two wheels and his hands upon the rod, riding all forgetful, with his backpack glued to his back.

i reach out a position - on a horizontal line - to the guy in the motor - with a car seperating him n me....
and i honk.... once ... twice.... third and the motorist turns around right and left... and behind...

and whew - catches me - sitting inside the car and waving my hands up n down in an angle - and with a sudden realization... reaches back to his back pack - pulling it in front - to find ...

The ZIP (of his backpack) Wide Open! :)

bandah zips it up, turns back and drops a foolish smile thanking me, before he speds past the now turned green signal.
Sure it does make me feel happy in a peculiar way. esp. the foolish smile - cursing himself for being forgetful and thanking me.

And it didn't happen once but twice (two different motorists) within the stretch of Brigade road signal to suleh circle.

PS : The random title was my wandering mind's word play thru the drive to office. :D catchy rite?! LOL This isn't the first time me being a Zipper - it is kinda thing that happens on and off through my morning drive to office - many a days in the past!
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Sridhar - A Past Reminiscence, back in reality

4.00 pm, 11th Dec 2006
Intercity Express, Erode

Am waiting to board the train, talking with my brother in law who had come to see me off. As i was talking, my wandering eyes caught a glimpse of a familiar looking face, standing in front of the adjecent compartment.

It was a face i knew well, from the past, the very intense eyes with fire in them, the thick moustache and manly presence of a tiger - sigh, it has to be him - Sridhar. from my old NIIT days.

But is it REALLY him? or is it somebody else... may be my eyes are playing tricks on me.
It has been awhile since i have seen him but i've not forgotten him nevertheless. Sridhar was one of those figures whom i can't ever forget in my career/life. And despite my efforts to track him back, i've never been able to manage to do that, as my ties with the old NIIT days were very thin. Apart from mahesh & nisar i've no information about the others.

well, i think i should find out. after all it will be a long 6 hours haul, from erode to bangalore. If it is HIM, then i just couldn't believe my luck to meet him.

The train has started now. i bid my good byes to my BIL and walk back to my seat. The compartment is half empty - thanks to the busy monday. I was supposed to be returning the previous night on a different train and not on this. Some tiredness has crept over me, forcing me to stay back an extra day and to take a day off at office. Hence, this travel today - in intercity.

I started reading the r.k.narayan's tamil transilation of 'swamy and friends', but as i read past the first couple of pages, my curiosity wouldn't let me sit still for any further. I better walk to the next compartment and check this person out. worst come, i could just say a sorry and walk back.

So, i go, searching for him ... to find him seated there with his friend.

Errr., hello, are you sridhar ... coimbatore NIIT... ?

He looks up to me, with a question in his eyes.... and a moment of hesitation... and...

Yes, i am. I am sridhar, of coimbatore NIIT. and voila, he recognises me after a fleeting moment of silence ....

Hey come on, sit, and what do you do these days? - He says.

ahha! what a wild streak of co-incidence and luck. am overjoyed. i sit opposite to him.... and after that the conversation was like a broken dam. We spoke and spoke for a long while - exchanging stories - of all the years past, since our days out of NIIT.

Quite a memorable short journey that was. And i was literally jumping in joy. Was really really happy after a long time.

Sridhar was a co-ordinator (Faculty) at NIIT during my studies in 92-94. I was just a kid then, 16 something and had started learning computers (without ever a clue of what can be done with them, apart from playing games! :) ). And the next six months' period changed all that. Computers & Software became the fascinating world and everything for me, a young boy bubbling with energy.

Sridhar was a charismatic figure, much more than a faculty teaching software. He was a source of inspiration. With the command of his technical knowledge, persona he used to exude confidence and power. And a jolly good fellow on top of that.

His teaching style was different - never bookish - he'd treat you always with recklessly casual attitude. Ask him a question, he'd bounce back with a challenge addressed in stylish slang, in a buddy mode - making you think - and then get the solution/answer out of yourself. :) Smart, witty and charming and arrogant too (many a times).

Sridhar, along with Periya Ravi (Ravikumar G), Chander, Kutti ravi, GS (Girija Shankar) - were the other inspiring faculties, each one unique in their ways, technically and as individuals, who meant a lot to this young lad @ 16 something. :)

And then came Sathish Toshkani (ex. faculty NIIT), Alfi (Alfred) with whom i worked for a brief period @ Dyadic Systems (my first ever paid job!)

My day was made. Am glad to be in touch with sridhar again. Pity though is such a talented person had been shaken and stirred :) in the hands of life. After all his adventures, he is now settled back in coimbatore running a soft skills training co., (did i mention he is awesome, with people?! He IS!) and running his own co. called FindMind.

Way to go Sridhar. Glad to be back in touch.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

1 comments

Old habits die hard?

10.20 AM
@ Suleh circle
A Maruti WagonR in front of me...
with a tag on the rear windscreen
- "A/C Vehicle"
- "No Hand Signal"

On the green light, the driver's hand comes out of the window, indicating a right turn!

Old habits die hard...
or perhaps the tag is for OTHER DRIVERS?!

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

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its just 3 weeks of gap and looks like eternity...

It is just 3 weeks since my last post and it already seems like a whole eternity...
sigh!

Tons of Issues .... one after the other ... it was literally raining problems.
Most were to do with our infrastructure stuff.

And oh boy, what a nightmare it was! Am glad that all's been fixed and the dust settling down.

These three weeks have given me enough enlightment interms of responsiveness and the
Techie nitty gritties running a IT/Systems Dept.

inspite of all the quamls, i have to say I really loved the flow of adrenaline after a long time.

Thats about the office front!

Otherwise things are moving pretty good by god's grace and am awaiting eagerly to Jan 07,
for two Major Releases.

#1. My Junior (Exactly on my 30th year eve!)
#2. Release of Maya!

:)

Sunday, November 19, 2006

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Coincidence?!!

My musings aren't yet over...
Here it is as it happened....
- Am sitting in a boring class (i better don't open my mouth for any objections in this particular class lest, i wish to become like marvin of HG2G)
- and trying very hard not to fall asleep
- all of a sudden i straighten up, thanks to a wake up call - a crisp, undoubtable "cock-a-doodle-do" - from a cockerel somewhere nearby!!

But wait, this isn't a night school nor is it anywhere near early morning...
its mid/late afternoon!

Call this to be Co-Incidence??!! ;)

Monday, October 30, 2006

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Fight with smoking! Day #1

I've Quit Smoking.
Had done it in the past! and i can do it now as well! but this would be for ever!

Finally it has come to be a tug of war on my will power!
Its Smoking or Me?!! ;)

So far, from the beginning of the day, i've successfully avoided smoking (infact overcame the temptation!)
Whenever i feel like smoking, am going to Work harder - Think and write a piece of code! or learn a new thing from wikipedia.

More than the urge to smoke, it is the restlessness and urge to do something which needs to be tackled.
Let's see. will keep the progress posted.
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The Delightful Oscar Tale - a tale of two oscars!

:) Catchy title! ain't it?!

Well as the title says it, this is the story of my two oscars - their youth, present and the future!
One of the two juvenile oscars survived and the other kicked the bucket for yet unidentified reasons! And that got me pretty sad!
The Surviving Oscar, i'd call him jack (Jack of titanic / Jack the ripper! / Jack sparrow of PoC) is doing all fine and has even grown an inch, with
a visible trace of his bulging belly and aggressive showoff stunts.

Jack's habitat got a bit murky over the initial couple of weeks, thanks to his messy eating habits and some mad fungi!
This combination had got the tank with a layer of swaying, dancing mossy threads and started getting yuk by the day (by the smells too!)
Finally i dragged up my courage to change the substrate gravel and replace it with beautiful greenish tinted stones with a nice dark, TT shaped bed room(?!!) for jack.

To my delight jack started improving and happily settled down over the weeks. He even somersaults out of the tank, esp. when he is hungry and i open the lid of the tank with his food still in my hand. :) Cool Aqua-batics! But his loneliness was always a nagging thing for me for multiple reasons! One is that i don't want him to become a brat being single! (lol. kidding!) After a futile search for the last couple of weeks' to find him a partner of his size, finally got a black tiger oscar juvenile to be jack's partner. i'd call her jill (or Rose may be?!). (Well, all this goes on the good assumption that Jack happens to be a guy and Jill happens to be a girlie! I ain't sure with the gender/sex of the fishes yet!). it'll take awhile!

But to my dismay i found jill to be a lil younger than jack, both in the size and attitude. From the moment i let jill in jack's habitat, he's behind her - mad! There are all elements of malasa here - flirting up fin to fin, darting past end to end putting up a speed show, rubbing noses, love(?!) bites, aquabatic chasing sequences, dancing around the rocks et al. And Jack is the one on the tail and Jill is on the run, always, and the tank has become alive with a lot of activity! :) One thing i've yet to decipher is if that's fighting foulplay or a playful dual in knowing each other!
Well, I'd get to know that for sure if i get to see jill alive when i get back home! lol! well, believe me, i haven't seen jack being so active, playful and aggressive as this far!

... Tales to continue

Thursday, October 26, 2006

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Another Wicket Down! :(

Actually the day started pleasent, and i was in good spirits riding my way to office, thought crunching on the tons of things to be done!
Immediately after i reached my seat, in the next 5 mins, it happened!
K came over with full of enthusiasm to give me the horrendous info. totally unexpected news. K, one of the best of my team had been offered a lucrative, irresistable - a secure central govt., academic / research job!
A Catch 22 situation it was! Should i be happy as a person for K's achievement n honour and let him go or to be selfish and ask him to stay!

and Its always the tough choice for me!
Finally let him go, happily!

The choice leaves a vaccum within, for some reason!
May be am disappointed on the sudden loss / on having to digest the parting!
This is the third parting in the past 6 months!
I keep parting ways from people who are close to me. and I thought god had taken a break of his habitual fun on me, this way!

Sigh, i guess life goes on...

Thursday, October 19, 2006

0

Movies wishlist

#1. Shawshank Redemption
#2. Good, Bad and the Ugly
#3. Schindlers List
#4. Pulp Fiction
#5. One Flew over the cuckoo's nest
#6. 12 Angry Men
#7. City of God / Cidade de Deus
#8. Once upon a Time in the west
#9. Amelie Poulain
#10. Memento
#11. Silence of the Lambs
#12. Fight Club
#13. Taxi Driver
#14. Apocalypse Now
#15. se7en
#16. Untergang / Downfall
#17. Das Boot
#18. Leon / The Professional
#19. Conspiracy
#20. The Pianist
#21. La Femme Nikita
#22. The Big Blue / Le Grand bleu
#23. Sin city
#24. Reservoir dogs
#25. The Manchurian Candidate
#26. Modern Times
#27. Amadeus
#28. The Odessa File
#29. Jakob the Liar
#30. Tea with mussolini
#31. Gandhi
#32. Passage to India
#33. Malcolm X
#34. The Last Emporer
#35. The English Patient
#36. Amen
#37. North by Northwest
#38. The Departed
#39. Monty Python and the Holy grail
#40. Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi / Spirited Away
#41. Willow
#42. The Great Escape
#43. The Seventh Seal
#44. 2001 : A Space Odyssey
#45. Cinema Paradiso
#46. The Elephant Man
#47. Blade Runner
#48. The Great Dictator
#49. Casablanca
#50. Wages of Fear
#51. Unforgiven
#52. V for Vendetta
#53. Monty Python Life of Brian
#54. The Battle of Algiers
#55. The Bicycle Thief
#56. The African Queen
#57. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid
#58. The General
#59. Run Lola Run
#60. Patton
#61. Glory
#62. Spartacus
#63. Finding Neverland
#64. The Grapes of Wrath
#65. Come and See
#66. Goldrush
#67. Judgement at Nuremberg
#68. Magnolia
#69. Big Fish
#70. Aguirre, Wrath of God
#71. La Haine


Windowz :: Development :: Tools
Sivaramasundar

Monday, October 09, 2006

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Two beauties : New arrivals

Got my long time wish come true.
I got a pair of tiger oscars (juvenile) in my small tank. (a grown up oscar would be like this...)



but what i have now are both less than an inch each. :)
It is quite a joyful feeling to watch them gracefully dance along the tank.
am quite tempted to name them romeo and juliet!

I've always wanted to get a juvenile pair and watch them grow to their adulthood, acutely aware of the care and patience needed to raise them.
more can be found here

Friday, September 29, 2006

1 comments

Stupid Thing! Got fooled for once!

Some nutcase (virus!!!??) had sent me an url, and me in all stupidity opened the url, which led me to a geocities page but what the heck, it was the yahoo/geocities login (cloned?).
Falling for the geocities-yahoo connection, unconciously i keyed in my yahoo a/c & password, just as it dawned upon me - hey wait, what am i doing? i didn't want to login to yahoo! this was a stupid url i had opened!!

Too late it was though!
That forced me to go back to my yahoo a/c and change the password immediately!
Such a pain.

I hate such tricks and normally smell'em and avoid'em a mile away!
But this time, am still digesting the fact that i fell for it, for once in all my stupidity! Sigh!

Every dog has its day!

C'est la vie!

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Online Shopping : India

Friday, September 15, 2006

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1st Anniversary Today!

365 days, gone - since my marriage!
Time Flies!

My team presented me with a nice sweet bouquet

and santhosh sent me this card

- made out of a pic from our earlier techno.trip :)

Monday, September 11, 2006

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Back!

Well, my last post was about 3 weeks back and by god, these three weeks really seems to have been eons!
Quite a few happenings since then and a lot of action at workplace.

#1. Long time associate Sara, moves on to proceed a different carrer oppertunity. Last day was Sept 1.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

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New Techie Blog!

I've kick started an all new Techie Blog, FishyWeb! And with an awesome CSS template! (of-course, the template wasn't my creation! thanks to 5thirtyone).

Long time dream! It's time to Share! :)
Wish me luck, folks!
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Finally! uploaded my pics!

Today morning as i was browsing through my latest ajaxian rss feed, i found a mention of this new AJAX offering called "Twango"! At the first glance, i thought it was one other in the countless AJAX driven social sites, which keep mushrooming day in and out!

But wait, it turned out to be a pleasent surprise as i chose to give it a try. The features are awesome! Simple, elegant, fast, easy and straight forward. And all for FREE!

I'll have to write a seperate post enumerating all its features! :) my! me's started liking this site very much.
Well, it has atleast got me successfully motivated to publish all my collection of photos.

I just started with some selected pics from the NYC trip during may/june 2004.

check it out! check it out!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

0

a moronic message!!!

got a stupendeous sms from an unknown number, out of the blues!
the message contents was in an obscure tamil slang used between college guys.

so, a baffled me called up the number, as none of my friends use such language with me!
it turned out to be a confused youth, trying to converse with this friend 'bharath' aka ME!

Urgh!
Heights!

anyways. i kept the phone down still baffled.
and i get a call back from the same 'youth' after a few mins... and apologising for the mistaken identity!

sigh! for some reason, i didn't get any mad at all, on this fella.
to err is human right! and i had better things to do than to shout at an unknown face!

accepted the apologies and let him go.

Monday, August 14, 2006

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Tip # : Zeroing in on searches effectively

While trying to find info. on an topic, where you don't have any specific starting point or even a concrete phrase
to base your searches on, the following approaches might help.

Taking a case, wrt., our website data organization and the IA, i wanted to check out on the cataloging / organization of
data as a part of the study of library sciences and the search and retrieval process as that was the closest thing our
business need would match.

I remember to have read a specific kind of mechanism / numbering system / algorithm related to the categorization of huge
volumes of data. But the search was not going be easy, as the subject of my search itself was a non precise, vague rememberance at best described in my own words.

Not good .. Not any good at all.

So, what do i have in my hands? Just a few words to state precisely. and to begin with.

a. Library Science
b. Algorithm
c. Some kind of numbering system / Maths
d. Organization / Cataloging mechanism
e. Classification System

#1. Google for any of the various phrases
#2. Check out the wikipedia, for the subject you search (for ex. library science)
#3. Check out for online glossaries related to library science

and after hitting onto a library sciences glossary, voila, found what i wanted :

Dewey Decimal (DDC) scheme.

Whew! And it took a best part of 20-30 mins!

now getting deeper into Dewey Decimal Classification, it is becoming more clear that i can pick up some very interesting and releavent points which can be applied onto our business - but for achieving similar purposes - to organize, catalog and retrieve vast amounts of information, quick and easy. Oh yeah - the DDC also talks about retrieving related info., along with the exact!

Perfect - for our catalog ... taxonomy... and searches!

Okie, now am off ... delving into DDC for more!

(boy! this feels good)

Thursday, August 10, 2006

1 comments

Mark the days! History is being made! the glory days return! YES!!! DELPHI is back!

Beloved Delphi is back.
Turbo Charged!

A Very emotional moment, when i heard about Turbo Explorer!
Long live Delphi! :)
More on the new Dev co. here.

(PS: I Would love a chance to get mainstream in delphi again! Pray this wish comes true sometime in the future!)

Thursday, August 03, 2006

0

This day in Computer History!

Borland Software opens for business in
Ireland with three employees in August 1981. Borland incorporates in
California in May 1982 under the leadership of Philip Kahn. Through the
1980s and 1990s, Borland develops and releases highly regarded software
products such as SideKick, Paradox, QuatroPro, Turbo Pascal, and Delphi.


... And am indebeted (indirectly) to borland, for having developed delphi which has provided me my bread and butter, for the past 10 years!